A career in (Semi) Pro Football beckons

For the last month or so, I’ve been training twice a week with the local football side. When they asked me if I wanted to play matches as well, I jumped at the opportunity, after watching a couple of games, I fancied my chances. The process of registering with the FFF (FA equivalent) should be rather simple, but I’ve come to realise that in France, anything involving paperwork never is simple, and even less so in the smaller towns. After declaring my interest to register, it took weeks for someone to track down the papers to give me, and when they were given to me, they were somewhat muddied for one reason or another. Anyway, the form is a fairly standard registration form, which includes one section that needs to be completed by a doctor. So after tracking down a GP in town, I booked an appointment to have a medical, quite what it would entail was beyond me. In my head I was expecting the old “Cough please” or “Bend over please”. The reality was nothing like that. I think in my head, the fact that I even needed a medical meant it must be highly official. Here’s what happened. I enter and we exchange pleasantries, it so happens that the GP played a rugby match against my hometown team back in England, small world. He asks me to take off my shirt and lie on the bench, when he proceeded to listen to my heart beat and measure my pulse. Then comes the weird bit. He tells me to get up and I’m preparing to drop my kegs. Instead, he demonstrates a squat, and tells me to do 30 of them. After puffing my way through the 30 squats, he asks me to get back on the bench and “breathe normally”. I tried. After listening to my heart for a few more minutes, he shrugged, told me I was a bit unfit and returned to his desk. And that was that. 5 minutes, 30 squats and €23, which I can claim back. Anyway, I’m now a registered football player with Fumel-Libos Football Club and hoping to make my debut this weekend in the last game before the winter break. Stay tuned for tales of greatness.

Me and my first football "contract"