Agen v Toulouse

After my most recent trip to Stade Alfred Armandie, I have finally experienced the true French rugby match. Obviously when I saw the fixture against European heavyweights and current French champions Toulouse, I knew it wasn’t to be missed. And so in constant drizzle, I took my seat to witness one of the most enjoyable sporting events of my life to date. Billed as the ‘Derby de la Garonne’ the stadium was a sell-out, and with several key opposition players away on international duty, the Agen side, struggling for their survival in the top tier of French rugby, sniffed an opportunity. Despite missing key players, the Toulouse side still fielded a host of extremely experienced players, Clément Poitrenaud, Maxime Médard, Yannick Nyanga, Luke McAlister, Luke Burgess, Lionel Beauxis and Yannick Jauzion to name but a few. However, the home side, willed on by their loyal fans, came out of the blocks with real passion, and even more importantly, high-tempo rugby. The story of the match to be honest isn’t entirely interesting. Agen led from start to finish, Toulouse looked completely uninterested and out-of-sorts, and by the final whistle blew, the home side, second from bottom, had beaten the defending champions 22-9. So why was this such a “true” rugby match? Well, whilst sat in the crowded stand, I observed how a local fan behaves during the 80 minutes. Here is a summary.

How to blend in at a French rugby match

·         In general, grossly over-exaggerate your reactions with hand gestures and facial expressions

·         Try and learn all the chants in the first 10 minutes then join in for the remaining 70

·         Act like you’re about to cry when things go wrong for your team

·         During a quiet phase of play, randomly shout “Allez le ga’s”

·         Protest any decision against your team with, “Ey arbitre”

·         Greet any opposition foul play with, “Carton!”

·         Anytime your team has the ball in open space, “Joue-la”

·         And when they kick the ball away, “Mais non, c’est nul”

·         When your team makes an error, “Putain, c’est quoi ca?”

·         When you see the opposition cheat, “Ey, ey ey, Arbitre!”

·         Try and come up with a witty insult to the opposition to earn the approval of the fans around you “Revient chez toi roastbeef!”

·         Whenever the opposition fans are making more noise than you, “Fermez-vous la gueule!”

·         If your team are going to lose, leave with at least 5 minutes left and make an obscene gesture towards the pitch.

·         If your team win, stay and clap the players off the pitch and wave the opposition players off

In general, if you spend the match sat quietly with no reactions or emotions either positive or negative people around you will assume you’re not welcome and spend the entire match blowing their cigarette smoke into your face and allowing their umbrella to drip all over you.

If you have the opportunity to go to a rugby match in the south of France, do not miss it, even if it’s only a small village match, the passion is just as enjoyable.